I would like to begin this post by saying I am not perfect, there is always room to grow and learn. Becoming an adult is a process that is why it takes so long to grow old. I appreciate the lessons I have learned so far and acknowledge the fact that I have had to learn some lessons the hard way. I don’t always take others advice but I do listen to it. I hate apologizing and I hate it even when I have done wrong but I think it takes a strong person to apologize especially when you are wrong. I don’t like confrontation. like many other people, but a part of being an adult is dealing with difficult situations and hopefully taking away a lesson or at least dealing.
Now that all being said I have a deep dislike for people who start trouble to move themselves further and not accepting responsibility for their bad behavior. I am a great friend to those who deserve it and even to some who don’t. I think I am a good responsible adult who does her best to better herself everyday. I make mistakes and as mentioned above I am not perfect.
Recently there have been a few situations with some people that have been in my life that make me say GROW UP ALREADY!! We are supposed to be adults. I have made a list of qualifications that adults/people in my life must have to avoid future situations:
1. You must work/be productive (not saying stay at home parents don’t work), I know people who are extremely ill or have had to overcome enormous obstacles and still work regularly so not working in any capacity is unacceptable. Even if you are incredibly wealthy, loafing should not be an option. At this point in our lives, at our ages there is no reason not to be productive. I understand with the economy it may be difficult to find a job but people who are really grown will take any job that comes their way to support themselves instead of mooching off others. Someone who is willing to take something for doing nothing tells the world you are lazy, selfish and still adolescent. I know children that work harder and more dedicated to life and don’t have to be.
2. Have a life off of the Internet. I understand how appealing the Internet is and less effort it takes to build and maintain relationships but the Internet isn’t the same thing as an actual relationship with a human being. You can lie, cheat and steal on the Internet and usually most people are none the wiser. People get real bold on the Internet but when they are face to face they are like kittens. A real adult looks forward to and appreciates having an actual social life (no I don’t mean parties all of the time) but doesn’t constantly bail on social events, leaves the house occasionally, and makes an effort to maintain relationships off of the computer/phone. Relationships work both ways. Phones, e-mails, social networking works both ways. Social interaction is an important of being an adult because this is how you learn how to behave in public and meet new people.
3. Take care of yourself/your home. I don’t care where you live or the kind of place or how much money you have but if you are expecting company clean your house, not even if you have company but in general. Who wants to live in a dirty place? If you are an adult and you can’t even clean your living space you have no respect for yourself. I cannot even sleep if there are dishes in the sink let alone ever let my home get “dirty”. In turn make sure you are clean. I don’t care what body size or type you are. I don’t care if you work out or what you eat. I don’t even care what kind of clothes/bags/shoes you have. I’m not trying to say I am going to inspect you or that we all don’t have lazy days but cleaning yourself is another part about being an adult. People notice when you look sloppy and that comes off as you don’t care about yourself or the people you are with so why should they care about you?
4. Own your own behavior. Again I am not perfect. I have made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes but I have learned in the last few years I have to own my sh*t. I needed to grow up myself and learn if I am big enough to say it behind your back I should be big enough to say it to your face or don’t say it at all. If I am confronted I have to admit it and explain my reasoning for it because that is what a grown up does. I’m not going to blast out my business on Facebook directly or indirectly. I expect the same from people in my life. If you are going to talk about me behind my back tell me when I confront you about it. If you think we are having an issue confront me not the internet. Ask me about it and I bet you will find out the issue was in your head. Also, if you feel the need to tell others I am not a good person or friend let’s just not be friends because we clearly aren’t anyway. Your life isn’t measured by the number of Facebook friends you have you most likely don’t know those people in real life anyway.
5. Apologize when you are wrong. Again with the mistakes. We all make them. Friends sometimes make them often. It hurts when your friends hurt you. No one likes to be on the receiving end of pain but when you make your mistake say you are sorry. Don’t ignore the situation and pretend it didn’t happen. Growing up means you will make mistakes and get hurt. A real adult will apologize because it is the right thing to do. You can’t go through life hurting people and moving on with out rectifying the situation. Karma will come back to you and in the end you will be alone and probably more hurt than any of the other people you hurt in the past. If you burn every bridge you come across you are going to be left alone on a very tiny island with no way to get off and no way for anyone else to get on.
6. Be true to yourself and others will be true to you. This isn’t an easy task to master and will probably take your whole life but make an attempt. Lying and making up stories to make yourself seem like a constant victim is tiresome. If you are true to yourself you won’t have to lie about who you are and what you do to other people. It isn’t necessary. Growing up teaches you who you are. What is right and wrong for you and your life. You should like yourself by now. If you have to pretend you are someone else even with your close friends maybe you need to do some soul searching. It takes time and work to like yourself sometimes and that is respectable but you can’t be someone to everyone all of the time. If you don’t like you how can you expect others to?
7. Keep your high maintenance to yourself. If you are constantly seeking attention good or bad people in your life are going to get tired of it. One person can’t have issues all of the time, it makes people wonder what you are doing to need so much attention. If you expect everyone to do for you all of the time but you can’t do for yourself there is a problem. A grown up shouldn’t need constant attention from people. If you like yourself it isn’t necessary. A sign of a true friendship isn’t how many texts you get, how many posts are posted on your wall or even how many times you are invited out. True friends can go long periods of time with out talking and come back together like no time has passed. It means you are secure with yourself and your friendships. As adults life sometimes gets in the way of being social. If you aren’t being productive I can see how it could be lonely and seem like you aren’t being given attention but then do something with yourself. People aren’t placed on this earth to have to babysit their friends.
I am sure I will have to amend this in the future as I learn more lessons but for now this is good. I like my list and am sure many of you can agree. If you have anything to add let me know. I am always willing to learn.