Once again I am left pondering why playing games on the dating scene seems to be a necessity I have finally found proof that it is a necessity, even when everyone claims it isn’t. I have been studying my recent post-long-term relationship dating history and have to admit the proof is in the pudding. The guys I wasn’t into and probably was less than nice to were the ones falling all over themselves to be with me. The guys that I really liked and paid attention too (perhaps stage 5 clinger attention but whatever) were only interested in me long enough to get my attention then disappeared shortly there after. I also looked at some friends past relationships and noticed the same sorts of trends. I can see that the people that made me/my friends feel the most inadequate were the ones I/we wanted the most.
One of my guy friends actually told me that if I were meaner to him and treated him poorly he probably would have been trying to date me for months because I am such an amazing woman. He told me to try being mean to him because his ex treated him horribly and he was hung up on that chick so much so that he took her back 5 times after she left him found other dudes then got tired and came back to him when she was lonely. Even my most recent ex is trying to move mountains, heaven and even praying to our Lord Betsey Johnson to get me back now. I only realize this because I have been ignoring him and not necessarily being mean but have told him flat out I don’t want him.
I have another friend who spent 11 years with a woman who not only was no where near as attractive as he is, she was mean, rude, lazy, insecure, dominating (not in the hot way) and jealous. She was never fun and basically scared off all his friends until he was isolated and by himself. She was horrible yet he would never leave her. They eventually got married and had a child and divorced barely a year after they got married after being together for 10 years. Now this beast is in his life forever. Yet he is still even to this day trying to get her back because she treats him horribly.
I don’t think I have unwarranted meanness in me to be honest. I don’t like games and I am really not good at hiding my feelings or faking them. I see no reason for it but the science behind this particular game is proven time and time again that my approach isn’t really working. The nice guy phrase “Every woman says she wants a nice guy but always falls for the douche” is actually true. I personally think that we all go for the ones that are mean to us because we want a challenge. I am so shallow that I can’t believe who ever I am chasing isn’t chasing me back because I am so amazing! How could they want anyone else? How are they not instantly head over stilettos in love already? Now, I think both men and women are like this. We must keep going until we have convinced this person we are worthy of their affection and attention. If they are damaged we must be the one to fix them because we are soo awesome, we can manage to fix something no one else before us could. Maybe we are born this way constantly wanting what we can’t have and needing to degrade ourselves in one way or another until we get it. We are in need of the challenge and cannot put ourselves too high on the pedestal because we would have nothing left to wish for if the object of our affection was so easily attained.
I am now on a mission to test my theory and see how well it works. I have 3 guys in my life that are on different levels of interest to me. One I had and really really wanted (stage 5 clingered him), one I like and is fun but is a douche, and one who actually told me to be mean to see if it works who I like but he is really just a friend. I am going to implement said mean girl behavior to see where it gets me. I am starting this experiment today. I am going to ignore and be mean to these boys to see how far it gets me. If it works I think I am going to have to rework my dating strategy even though I don’t agree with it and it doesn’t come naturally, I do see how it works and has its perks. My mean girl gf’s always seem to be flush in the man area and get the good ones to boot so maybe honesty really isn’t the way to go. I know I always fall hard for the guys that don’t want me as much as I want them. I will update you on my progress because I am sure all 2 of my readers will be very interested in how this experiment goes.