I know that the phrase “I’m sorry” has become a part of our vocabulary as much as saying yes and no but I have been “apologized” to by a few people for some important things recently and after hearing said apologies I am realizing they are not actually saying I am sorry at all. They are basically saying “I know I treated you poorly, I know I made you feel a certain type of way, but I am a mess and let’s just accept it.” That isn’t an apology. That doesn’t mean you are sorry. That doesn’t excuse your behavior. Just because you hide it behind self deprecating adjectives, sad faces and delicate tones doesn’t mean you are sorry or that I am going to accept it. Case in point, My ex says to me “I want you back, I really didn’t think you were going to leave. I thought we could work it out. I am sorry, I am an a-hole, I didn’t mean what I did, I didn’t realize what I was doing” The same crap I am sure we have all heard over and over. What I heard out of this was ” I didn’t think I had to change my bad behavior because I assumed you would never leave and just take it for the rest of our lives. I had no intentions of changing or working on anything that you asked me to because if you were going to stay anyway why bother making the effort. Let’s be honest you have no other options other than being alone and you won’t be capable of doing that”.
Example #2: Most families have their fair share of drama. Mine happens to be with one of my Uncles. I choose to just keep my distance from him and his family so as not to be rude or fight or whatever. My father hates this which is the only reason why I even am mildly polite. After ignoring a few of my uncles Facebook e-mails, he sends me this “You look more and more like your mother, I miss her, sometimes I don’t think I was a very good brother to her or uncle to you, but know that I loved you both very much” He didn’t even attempt to say I am sorry or even admit he wasn’t a good brother or uncle anytime not just sometimes, he just said I don’t think I was because he understands I avoid him and his family but he doesn’t want to find out why. Then to say I LOVED you both very much begs the question…do you not love either of us anymore? His only intention in this e-mail was to rid himself of guilt and put it on me by trying to make me feel sorry that he was feeling bad and I wouldn’t let him remedy it. What I took from this was “I know you are mad at me for something and I feel bad about it because I am aware that you think I am not the best family member on the planet. I won’t accept responsibility for it so I am going to make you feel bad for not allowing me to go through our relationship being oblivious. I hope this is the end of my discomfort and we can move on from here with out me having to exert any further effort.”
My last example is this guy I was kind of seeing. We went to high school together and after he approached me with admittedly lame lines that I was really just stupid to fall for I started to like him. He was goofy and hilarious which are 2 of my most favorite traits. I think I trusted him more because we had known each other in high school, I used to be friends with some of his family and I didn’t think a guy would waste time going after a girl to cause trouble and then disappear. After I ignored him for a few weeks, which he completely deserved he sent me a novel late night and what I am sure were drunken texts. Here are a few of my favorite lines “I am sorry and didn’t expect things to go like they like they did, I never lied to you and I know you think I am a jerk but I am not so much. To be honest you scared the crap out of me! I actually started to feel something for you and I promised myself I would never do that again (let me say our courting started while he was still dating his gf of 2 years, yes I understand that should have been a red flag right there). I don’t think I’m fit for that sort of thing anymore. I am sorry and please don’t hate me. I wish the best for you because you deserve it. You are smart, amazing, loving, beautiful and you make me smile which is something not many people do these days.” Not only are these some of the most unimaginative and cliche apology phrases they are complete bullshit. He lied and I caught him in said lies THANK YOU FACEBOOK!! If he didn’t want to feel anything for me WTF were you trying to start something with me for?!?! If you aren’t fit for that kind of thing why are you back with your gf who you probably never really broke up with in the first place and/or trying to start a brand new relationship with me!?!?. What I heard from his lameness was the following “I hit you up on Facebook because I wanted to bang you. I was bored with my girlfriend and figured I could sweet talk you into boning me because I pretend I am the nice, inept, cuddly, teddy bear all girls like. I realized after the fact that I was in trouble and couldn’t juggle you and her at the same time because technology has me beat and I am too stupid to cover my tracks. I don’t want you to hate me because I don’t want you to dispel the lies I told my girlfriend if you get mad enough for revenge. I am going to say a bunch of nice things to you so you are flattered and might be open to letting me bang you again.”
All I have to say about this is if you don’t intend to apologize don’t. It is fine if you aren’t sorry or you don’t think you did anything wrong but if you are going to make an attempt please be smart. Don’t do it to make yourself feel better, the person you are apologizing do might not have wanted or needed your selfish excuse of a sorry and you are just making the situation worse for yourself. You look like the idiot for rehashing something that was already laid to rest. Your disingenuous remarks are a waste of everyone’s precious time that can’t be gotten back. The least you can do if you are going to make an attempt at LIE-pologizing is be effing creative! At least make it worth it. If you have to open your mouth don’t you want to be effective about it? You took the time to lie the least you can do is take the time to make it interesting.
I am not sure when we all became so numb and cold to our fellow living beings on the planet but I’m over it. I constantly get told I am naive and gullible because I like to believe people don’t lie to me on purpose, that they don’t want to hurt me but when they do they honestly feel bad and want to make amends. Sadly, I am realizing more now more than ever that no one really means what they say anymore. Everything is for the individuals selfish means. I’d hate to think of myself as jaded but I am tired of being other peoples bad decision punching bag. I am amazing and I deserve to be treated as such. If you can’t live up to that then step aside and let me through. I have no time for it. Unfortunately, I have to now be much more selective in who I choose to bestow any of my feelings on. Being hurt is one thing but to not really apologize for it is quite another. Read between the lines people. Make sure before accepting any sort of apology it is real and true, if that even happens anymore.