So now that it is officially Spring it seems that all of my friends have found love and our single Summer 2013 is out the window. Let me tell you that my weekly “It’s OK to be ALONE” speech from my grandmother pinches more and more as the weeks go by now that I am the lone single friend that everyone is now trying to set up. I have officially become that girl. I can’t even lie now loneliness has crept in and it is actually stinging. I absolutely dislike this. I am a grown woman who has so much to offer and all I wanted was to find a partner in life which is where my previous relationship was very much lacking. Now 6-8 months later I feel like I have betrayed myself wondering “Am I really going to be single forever? Will I be that friend that everyone feels bad for because she hasn’t managed to find love? Was I destined to be alone forever and never actually find a partner and or have kids? Should I start considering insemination?”
I never really saw myself as the impossibly challenged one. I never had an issue before finding someone to crush on and/or date. Now it actually seems impossible. The few times I’ve been interested in someone has not turned out well. I tolerate so much less now and to be honest most men I run into really don’t have much to offer life or goal wise. I’m not talking I need a baller or a socialite either.
I attempted online dating and that was short lived. If I wanted to bang random strangers I would be a prostitute because at least I would be getting paid for wasting my time. I am not a broken person, I come from a good home and family with good values, yet for some reason the only guys attracted to me that I share a mutual attraction with are a plain old emotional hot mess. It has been that way I think almost since I began dating with the exception of a few here and there. In my teens and 20′s I chalked it up to growing up but now I am straight scared at the lack of fish in this sea.
I don’t want or need much. A decent man who thinks work and family are important, no major drug, alcohol or sexual addictions, limited OCD is acceptable, someone who is social, who hasn’t spent a substantial amount of time in prison consecutive or otherwise, appreciates a big family, animal lover, has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh, liberal (repubs need not apply unless you can hide it but my family would love it), no racists or homophobes, and someone who will love me so much that once they have met me they can’t possibly picture their life with out me and have no idea what they did before I came along. I really don’t think the above short list is too much to ask for.
What I have been noticing during my blatant un-datable-ness is that every whore, drug addict, criminal and flat out bad person has managed to find love and start a family. They seem to have pretty decent jobs and homes. They even seem less criminal, slutty and bad. Stupid me dated the same guy all through high school and some of college, worked a ton, got decent grades, went on to get into my dream college and got a great job after college basically throwing parties. After that life got in the way and things went left a little. I am not saying I didn’t party or slut it up because I did, in moderation, but it seems to me that if I were more of a terrible person I would have gotten further in life and probably found my bad ass soul mate.
Alas, Spring is officially taking its toll on me and instead of being the usual season of happiness that it has always been I find myself being sad and almost depressed. I currently feel that Bridget Jones diary is now my auto biography. Let us all just hope for my sake that I will have an ending similar to the movie and some time soonish before I start looking for vacancies in convents.