Another Episode of Girls Got Me

Another Episode Of Girls Got Me

Another Episode Of Girls Got Me

 

I am a little behind in episodes but The Girls episode One Man’s Trash, really just got me towards the end. Hannah meets a random guy and spends days with him, in what seems like the most perfect non- rapey/murderous situation 2 strangers have ever been in. This “stranger” seems amazing and she realizes maybe she really wants happiness. Maybe wanting the things that everyone else seems to want isn’t so bad after all. I see a lot of myself in Hannah when it comes to life and love, she just happens to be much more verbally honest than I am.   This fact does sometimes scare me as Hannah makes regular bad decisions, much like myself, which is probably why I feel so close to  her character. After seeing her break down and cry in front of a practical stranger (who she played naked ping pong with) about how she really feels about love and being happy it reminded me of a daily diary entry I wrote a long time ago and never posted.  It seemed perfect to meld the two after seeing this episode.

Original Daily Diary Post

So as much as I want to pretend I don’t care or it isn’t important and as much as I love my alone time I find myself saying, I do really just want to be loved. I want someone to snuggle with at night, someone to kiss and hug and just be with. I’m not necessarily in a rush to find said person and don’t know if I am completely ready to have that person in my life right now, but after only a solid 3 months of being really completely out of my last relationship, I find myself missing some of the most intimate parts (if you know me I know what you are thinking but for once I don’t necessarily mean sex) of being with a person. Not with the ex of course but with THE someone. Someone who gets me, excites me and maybe accepts me.
I find that when I start dating someone the things that intrigue them about me are the very things they eventually want me to change. I am not one that is good at changing things about myself. The most I ever changed about myself was quit smoking cigarettes and perhaps ending some recreational drug use. That being said on super drunk nights I will sometimes indulge in a smoke and even though I won’t purchase any, if someone so happens to have funsies I don’t necessarily say no (in case I ever want to run for office I should say that any bad behavior mentioned will be denied to the best of my ability to the public until this blog post comes out and probably other proof ie pictures and current and former friends throwing me under the bus).
I am not sure if I want these things because everyone I know has already or is beginning to pair off and move into some form of “married life”. I am not sure if I only miss these things because I had them to take for granted for the past 7 years even if I wasn’t the happiest of situations. Needless to say at this point I am missing it. I never thought I would, I have never really been “needy” but I feel now in my 30′s I kind of am. Not to say that these needs couldn’t easily be fulfilled but for the first time in my life not just anyone will do. I am not interested in the replacement for momentary peace. I am trying to approach this singledom in a way that I never have before. I am not looking for the easy lay, the quick fix or the easy attention even though I have done both since being single neither has been helpful in the ways they were before. I am trying to hold out and wait for some one I feel is worth it. I want to hold out for someone who thinks I am worth it.  I have failed on all accounts but I can say I am happy that I can recognize it.
I will admit I did try the boycott of….physical intimacy and it is unfun and not my cup of tea and didn’t last very long. As a rule pre 7 year relationship I generally tried not to like the guys I slept with as human beings to keep the situation just business. They were just vessels of enjoyment for me to discard at will. Now, the idea of meaningful seems nice and even more new. Maybe I really do want to find someone who will actually love me and not let me use them or use me in return. I mentioned in another post that I went all stage 5 clinger on my first real crush out of the gate and it was bad news bears. It did teach me 2 things: 1. I clearly wasn’t over my last relationship if I was so desperate to cling to someone else and 2. That the disposable situation could no longer work for me.
There have definitely been bumps in the road along the way and I have made plenty of mistakes this time around but I think more so than before I am learning. I am being honest with myself and recognizing what my issues are. This is perhaps the only way one can truly find love. I work out my kinks along the way and when I am at just the right point, probably when I least am expecting it, that one person that I have been “waiting” for will be there and recognize in me everything everyone else couldn’t.

Wonderwall A Song For Life

I just finished watching the latest episode of Girls and the end of the latest episode one of my all time favorite songs was being sung by Hannah, Wonderwall (clearly I grew up in the 90′s). I have loved Wonderwall for soo many reasons through out my life that it will be a part of my soul, if souls actually exist, until my untimely and probably alcohol/drug induced death. It may be because in the height of the song I was dating one of the only English boys I knew ever existed on Long Island at the time or the fact that I perhaps “stole” him from one of my best friends and to this day she has yet to hold a grudge about it, or how during the peak of my teen angst this song spoke to me with its whiny lyrics and obnoxious band members.
I am definitely not one of those deep individuals that find comfort, solace and meaning in music in a way that I care to know anything more than who sings the song so I can download  said song if I do not already own it. Wonderwall however is one of those songs that has been around long enough to be like an old friend because is never far from my mind, I know it like the back of my hand and it is always there to brighten my day. I feel like the song seeks me out if that makes sense. It is always there when I need it to remind me of older and better times yet the lyrics speak to me reminding me about the present and future…..my future specifically. There aren’t many songs in a persons life that can be so pivotal but for me, even as chiche as it might sound Wonderwall is just that. I stress this is not my all time favorite song but that some how, some where it just appears when I least expect it but always need it. It is always within my reach, yet I never have to grab for it. Every time I need it but dont expect it it is there and serves a purpose I didn’t realize it had.
This weeks episode of Girls spoke to me, in that Wonderwall was included in the last scene. Their situations had nothing to do with what I am currently feeling but that is what the song does for me. Yet, as a combination of all that is going on in the episode maybe it did represent my many different “personalities” that I feel I must have through my many facets of everyday life.
The episode did remind me of a time where my old super fab roommate and I did bathe together (this was a coed situation but we were both in bathing suits) and we had the best time ever. While being jealous that it seemed Hannah’s bath tub was larger than ours was I do remember night fondly and that Wonderwall might very well have been playing but besides that it brought me back to times where I was more assertive, stronger, and self assured and looked mighty fine in that bathing suit to boot! Wonderwall has been played during a rainbow of experiences in my life that never failed to bring me back to center where I belong.

The Forsyte Saga

The Forsyte Saga

The Forsyte Saga

 

 

The Forsyte Saga Episode 1 The Forsyte Saga is my new favorite show. It seems to be a mini-series as far as I can tell but I am in love with it, and I cannot wait to read the book! You know me and my British obsession. The Forsyte Saga has everything I love, tragedy, forbidden love, intense romance, hatred, scandal and the properness of uptight rich gentlemen and ladies. It really can’t get any better for me I don’t think. I really must thank Netflix for knowing me so well and always showing me their British television selections to make sure I never miss another good English drama again for as long as I live.  I know The Forsyte Saga isn’t the stuff reality tv dreams are made of but the drama and romance in British novels are even more vivid once made in to shows, for me anyway. I would choose these stories over Jerseylicious any day. When they love it is immediate and intense in which both parties are willing to face ruin, poverty, and even sometimes death for the one they love all with out ever being taken out on a date or receiving a gift from  Louis Vuitton. These are the relationships I fantasize about and go figure a juice head gorilla doesn’t even factor into the equation. Not to say the characters in all of the English novels are gems but there was a certain reserve and eloquence to everyone. They still wanted to appear to be refined, unlike most characters of late.  I know you might think The Forsyte Saga will bore you to tears but watch just one episode and a guarantee you will be hooked!

Magic City

Magic City

Magic City

 

 

Magic City if you don’t know is a wanna be Mad Men that takes place in late 50′s Miami. Here is a little description of it:
Miami Beach, 1959. As Ike Evans rings in the New Year at his luxurious Miramar Playa Hotel, Havana falls to Castro’s rebels. It’s a turbulent time in Miami, but it’s THE place to be. The Kennedys, the mob and the CIA all hold court here. And Ike, he’s the star of his hotel. But everything comes at a price. To finance his dream, he sold his soul to mob boss Ben “The Butcher” Diamond. Ike’s wife Vera, a former showgirl, and his three kids think he’s an honorable man, but he can’t break his pact with the devil. His life is a façade. In fact, nothing at the Miramar Playa is what it seems. By day, it’s diving clowns and cha-cha lessons. By night, escorts have secret liaisons with husbands in the family cabanas, while Miami’s seedier residents and the law drift together to hear legendary singers, musicians and comics. As Ike’s world threatens to implode, he fights for his family, and the Miramar Playa, in Magic City.

 

I watched 3 episodes last night and was confused. Some of the plot really doesn’t pull much together. They give a way a little more than they need to and there are tons of boobs. I feel like too much in fact. I think they are only doing it because they can. It isn’t really necessary to any plot. No one works at a strip club or is on the beach tanning as such (except for 1 scene on a balcony and the woman covers up you don’t even see boobs!)
I really wanted to like this show. I thought it would be awesome and an edgier version of Mad Men but it isn’t.  Even the opening scene mimic’s Mad Men poorly.  The writing isn’t there, the acting is Ok and the story isn’t living up to its full potential. I am hoping as I get further into the season it won’t suck so much but I who knows.
Have you seen Magic City? Did you like it?