Another Episode of Girls Got Me

Another Episode Of Girls Got Me

Another Episode Of Girls Got Me

 

I am a little behind in episodes but The Girls episode One Man’s Trash, really just got me towards the end. Hannah meets a random guy and spends days with him, in what seems like the most perfect non- rapey/murderous situation 2 strangers have ever been in. This “stranger” seems amazing and she realizes maybe she really wants happiness. Maybe wanting the things that everyone else seems to want isn’t so bad after all. I see a lot of myself in Hannah when it comes to life and love, she just happens to be much more verbally honest than I am.   This fact does sometimes scare me as Hannah makes regular bad decisions, much like myself, which is probably why I feel so close to  her character. After seeing her break down and cry in front of a practical stranger (who she played naked ping pong with) about how she really feels about love and being happy it reminded me of a daily diary entry I wrote a long time ago and never posted.  It seemed perfect to meld the two after seeing this episode.

Original Daily Diary Post

So as much as I want to pretend I don’t care or it isn’t important and as much as I love my alone time I find myself saying, I do really just want to be loved. I want someone to snuggle with at night, someone to kiss and hug and just be with. I’m not necessarily in a rush to find said person and don’t know if I am completely ready to have that person in my life right now, but after only a solid 3 months of being really completely out of my last relationship, I find myself missing some of the most intimate parts (if you know me I know what you are thinking but for once I don’t necessarily mean sex) of being with a person. Not with the ex of course but with THE someone. Someone who gets me, excites me and maybe accepts me.
I find that when I start dating someone the things that intrigue them about me are the very things they eventually want me to change. I am not one that is good at changing things about myself. The most I ever changed about myself was quit smoking cigarettes and perhaps ending some recreational drug use. That being said on super drunk nights I will sometimes indulge in a smoke and even though I won’t purchase any, if someone so happens to have funsies I don’t necessarily say no (in case I ever want to run for office I should say that any bad behavior mentioned will be denied to the best of my ability to the public until this blog post comes out and probably other proof ie pictures and current and former friends throwing me under the bus).
I am not sure if I want these things because everyone I know has already or is beginning to pair off and move into some form of “married life”. I am not sure if I only miss these things because I had them to take for granted for the past 7 years even if I wasn’t the happiest of situations. Needless to say at this point I am missing it. I never thought I would, I have never really been “needy” but I feel now in my 30′s I kind of am. Not to say that these needs couldn’t easily be fulfilled but for the first time in my life not just anyone will do. I am not interested in the replacement for momentary peace. I am trying to approach this singledom in a way that I never have before. I am not looking for the easy lay, the quick fix or the easy attention even though I have done both since being single neither has been helpful in the ways they were before. I am trying to hold out and wait for some one I feel is worth it. I want to hold out for someone who thinks I am worth it.  I have failed on all accounts but I can say I am happy that I can recognize it.
I will admit I did try the boycott of….physical intimacy and it is unfun and not my cup of tea and didn’t last very long. As a rule pre 7 year relationship I generally tried not to like the guys I slept with as human beings to keep the situation just business. They were just vessels of enjoyment for me to discard at will. Now, the idea of meaningful seems nice and even more new. Maybe I really do want to find someone who will actually love me and not let me use them or use me in return. I mentioned in another post that I went all stage 5 clinger on my first real crush out of the gate and it was bad news bears. It did teach me 2 things: 1. I clearly wasn’t over my last relationship if I was so desperate to cling to someone else and 2. That the disposable situation could no longer work for me.
There have definitely been bumps in the road along the way and I have made plenty of mistakes this time around but I think more so than before I am learning. I am being honest with myself and recognizing what my issues are. This is perhaps the only way one can truly find love. I work out my kinks along the way and when I am at just the right point, probably when I least am expecting it, that one person that I have been “waiting” for will be there and recognize in me everything everyone else couldn’t.

Wonderwall A Song For Life

I just finished watching the latest episode of Girls and the end of the latest episode one of my all time favorite songs was being sung by Hannah, Wonderwall (clearly I grew up in the 90′s). I have loved Wonderwall for soo many reasons through out my life that it will be a part of my soul, if souls actually exist, until my untimely and probably alcohol/drug induced death. It may be because in the height of the song I was dating one of the only English boys I knew ever existed on Long Island at the time or the fact that I perhaps “stole” him from one of my best friends and to this day she has yet to hold a grudge about it, or how during the peak of my teen angst this song spoke to me with its whiny lyrics and obnoxious band members.
I am definitely not one of those deep individuals that find comfort, solace and meaning in music in a way that I care to know anything more than who sings the song so I can download  said song if I do not already own it. Wonderwall however is one of those songs that has been around long enough to be like an old friend because is never far from my mind, I know it like the back of my hand and it is always there to brighten my day. I feel like the song seeks me out if that makes sense. It is always there when I need it to remind me of older and better times yet the lyrics speak to me reminding me about the present and future…..my future specifically. There aren’t many songs in a persons life that can be so pivotal but for me, even as chiche as it might sound Wonderwall is just that. I stress this is not my all time favorite song but that some how, some where it just appears when I least expect it but always need it. It is always within my reach, yet I never have to grab for it. Every time I need it but dont expect it it is there and serves a purpose I didn’t realize it had.
This weeks episode of Girls spoke to me, in that Wonderwall was included in the last scene. Their situations had nothing to do with what I am currently feeling but that is what the song does for me. Yet, as a combination of all that is going on in the episode maybe it did represent my many different “personalities” that I feel I must have through my many facets of everyday life.
The episode did remind me of a time where my old super fab roommate and I did bathe together (this was a coed situation but we were both in bathing suits) and we had the best time ever. While being jealous that it seemed Hannah’s bath tub was larger than ours was I do remember night fondly and that Wonderwall might very well have been playing but besides that it brought me back to times where I was more assertive, stronger, and self assured and looked mighty fine in that bathing suit to boot! Wonderwall has been played during a rainbow of experiences in my life that never failed to bring me back to center where I belong.

Girls, If You Don’t Love It I Don’t Love You

Girls

Girls

The series premier was amazeballs! If you haven’t seen this show you have to now! It was hilarious. It’s like a version of Sex in the City minus everyone being rich. There are actually unattractive and not so fashion forward people on it. Almost like real life.
I may be drawn to it as well because it reminds me of my years in the city which were some of the best years of my life. The trials and tribulations of pretending to be an adult but still depending on your parents. I cannot wait to see what this show will bring. I am hoping it doesn’t disappoint but generally when Judd Apatow is involved they don’t.

 

Some Back To School Flare

It’s back to school season but have no fear it’s a great time to get your shopping on! You want your children to go to school looking cute right? I think so! Here are a few girls outfits to boost your back to school mood. I hope your little lady loves these outfits as much as I do.

Love Dress There is a time and a place for tie dye and this is definitely it. I have been falling more and more in love with moderate tie dye styles coming out this fall! Keep your little fashionista looking cute. If you like this dress you can get it here Shop playfully sophisticated new arrivals for Ella Moss Girl.

Palisades Cardigan Black and white stripes are one of my fave patterns. I’m not usually a fan of patterns but this is usually my go to. This cardigan is simple, cute and can last for a few seasons. You can get it here Shop playfully sophisticated new arrivals for Ella Moss Girl.

Pink Bubble Dress The Pink Bubble Dress is perfect for a day when she had to get dressed up or if you have an event to go to. Put a cardigan over it and it is ready to go throughout fall. Find it here TinyTotDressShop.com

Zebra Leggings Leggings have become a basic for little and big girls alike. You can wear them with practically anything but why not spruce them up a bit. These are super cute and can go with a a ton of stuff. Find it here Pink Taffy Designs.

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