It’s Ok To Be Single On Valentines Day


Personally, after realizing this is going to be the 2nd year in the past 20 something years of not having an actual Valentine I have learned some things. Last year I was fresh off of a major break up and having no one did depress me to the max, even lead me to make some less than intelligent decisions, I am currently still making.
This year I have a new thought process. I have 3 of my closest friends who are in happy, loving, long term relationships all leading to marriages, which is what they all want. I have my amazing family that loves me to the point of suffocation and my pets (yes, I realize this should be that pivotal moment in my life where I realize I will be a single cat lady until I die but it’s cool) that make every bad day better. I have tons of love in my life. This year I had the opportunity to make one of my life long goals come to fruition, and I am on my way to getting all of my ducks in a row with other projects and life goals as well. This year I realize what I should be celebrating this Valentines Day…is myself.
I like where I am, what I am doing and who I have become in the past 2 years. It isn’t always easy, it is totally not always fun or happy but that is part of the inevitable process of being an adult.
I can honestly say this year I am alright with being single and that I have no reason to be sad or depressed. I have plenty of people who love me platonically and romantically, even if I can’t return the feelings. That is nothing to be depressed about.
This year I decide to celebrate love because it does exist, I see it and feel it every day which is something that should be recognized. I see it everyday in my loved ones and I enjoy it. I am happy for my loves who have the things they have always wanted in a partner and want to celebrate for them as well. I refuse to be angry, sad, depressed or selfish because that isn’t want this Hallmark holiday is about. In the end I am Ok with being single this Valentine’s Day because I have love. I’ve known love and recognize that it will always be there for me lover or not.

North West Lives

North West Lives

North West Lives

 

So now that the Kardashian Clan has done what they are best at the world is now in a happy place. We can all now go back to our lame and lowly pre-North West lives, wars can continue, we can finally eat a meal, read a book, other babies are now allowed to be born and any other attention stealing activity that the Kardashians and Kanye had prohibited until they found the most profitable way to reveal what their fame spawn looks like.
I mean the kid is cute and all but aren’t we going to get sick enough of her before her 1st birthday? I can bet any amount of money that unlike Kanye’s bestie and his wife who have hardly shown off their piece of BLUE heaven (you like that right lol) this baby will be a subject of many an Pap photo opportunity so who cares if the first big reveal is on mama’s talk show that from what I can tell is probably going to be cancelled anyway. I don’t think anyone really cares about the Kardashians much anymore. That family’s one too many minutes of fame has bored us all and made way for younger, funnier and way more interesting stars i.e. Amanda Bynes or the dead that 70′s show sister! Alas, I obviously care a little otherwise a blog post wouldn’t have been necessary but come one peeps! I do promise that sooner rather than later we will be sick of seeing those insanely chubby cheeks and that adorbs little face soon enough….anyone see Kourtney’s little Penelope lately…….nope! Why you ask? Probably because she was even bored of seeing the 43981-348-49818-3813-489 photos of her son and decided a little privacy was probably best. We can only hope this fame-whoring duo decides the same for their little directionally themed babe.

Birthday Month Realization

Birthday Month Realization

 

 

Birthday Month is upon us or as my father calls it High Holy Birthday Month!!! It is a week before my 32nd birthday and I have realized some things about myself, life and growing up. In the recent past a few people who have known me for almost my whole life and who I care very much for have become so very judgmental and downright hurtful. At first I tried to brush off such offenses as me being too sensitive. Then I thought maybe these people are right and I just don’t want to hear it. Eventually I realized that really isn’t the case. While I was being supportive through their many mistakes, misdeeds and mess ups as a good friend always should be, they have turned their back on what I have gone or been going through. I as a good friend was honest in certain situations about my feelings of what they were doing but only as an outsider looking in. After saying my part, I have learned that you can always tell someone what you think but ultimately they have to do things their way because pushing your opinions only pushes people away. Your one and only job as a friend after being open and honest is to be there while they are happy and pick up the pieces if any should fall. That is what a good friend does.  Now while I know my mistakes and misdeeds, I like to believe they have helped me become who I am and I try not to forget them, who I was or where I have been. Others clearly like to pretend/ignore/deny those same factors about themselves which is OK but when passing judgment it’s particularly hurtful when hypocrisy is involved.
In my case when I feel someone is becoming overly judgmental I tend to omit things or in some cases lie. This is obviously not the right approach and I was disappointed in myself  when I realized I was doing this. I took it upon myself to apologize and bring up the subject to the few people I felt had done a 360 on me assuming that maybe their perception of my behavior was the reason for this change (maybe they didn’t realize my perception of their behavior towards me is what started the ball rolling but that isn’t to point fingers just how I felt in the situation). I was expecting an apology in return as any good friends would do to alleviate an uncomfortable situation. I knew everyone in the situation had done wrong and what some people didn’t know is I knew more than they had been telling me. I knew they were actually doing the exact same thing they were mad at me for the only difference was they (still to this day) don’t know how much I actually knew/know and I never called them out on it assuming I wouldn’t have to because I was convinced they loved me enough to just apologize and nothing more had to be said (AWESOME FRIEND ALERT). These people didn’t know that another friend had spilled very detailed beans about a situation assuming I knew already. I didn’t know and didn’t even rat out the other friend (just another glaring example of why I am such a fab friend). So here I am being judged very harshly by people I love very much and trust implicitly even still with the uncomfortable feelings. Even when I knew these people were lying to my face and doing the very thing they were accusing me of. I distanced myself waiting for an apology because it had to be on its way. I knew there was no way I wasn’t going to be apologized to but to some people their pride is more important than friendship. To them I was not worth an apology no matter how hypocritical their rationale. These same people after the fact tried to dig a deeper hole but what they didn’t know is this, I was a good friend even when they weren’t looking. I may have omitted some information or told them things happened differently than they actually did because I was tired of their hurtful comments and judgments but what they should be thankful for is that I never ratted them out. I never let people know what it is they did or said about people they “love and care” about. While these very people sit back and judge me or think I am less worthy, I am at peace with their feelings about me. I know what I have done and owned it. I know that if I wasn’t such a good friend I could have hurt them and the people they love very much but I chose not to. I may not be what these people want as a friend anymore but in reality they no longer possess the qualities I need in a friend. I see now that they have dug themselves into such a deep hole that instead of dealing with and fixing what they don’t like in their lives they focus on someone they perceive as weaker. I am content with that too. I may not resort to dirty tricks or childish schemes but my absence in their lives is what they will one day miss. When the truth comes out, as it always does, they will realize what a good friend I always have been and kick themselves for ever thinking otherwise.
In closing at the ripe old age of almost 32 I can say that I may not be perfect nor do I ever want to be. I may not be rich or a genius. I do not have a models body or the best paying job. I have yet to meet prince charming or the million other superficial things that people always associate with having a full life. What I do have is my independence which I earned. I have respect from the people that I have chosen to be in my life and who have chosen to love and understand me for who I am, not who they think I should be. I have a loving family and good group of friends. It has taken time to build the kind of relationships that are healthy and happy with the people I care most about but it has been worth it. I have proven to myself and my loved ones that I am a force. I have dreamed of things and actually attained them; few people can actually ever say that. I have struggled, been scared and hurt on more than one occasion, those have been my greatest lessons. I can see where I need to improve and make those my goals no matter how long the improvements may take. This birthday month is less about the parties or presents this year. It is about finally allowing me to pat myself on the back. I don’t have to have the I am not good enough complex any longer. I don’t need to measure up to anyone’s standards but my own. I am what matters. My goals are mine and I can and will always improve. I am going to leave my insecurities behind me. Those chips that have been on my shoulder no longer need to be there because I have proven to myself what an incredible person, woman, friend and lover I really can be. All of that takes work and reflection. I will never stop working on being the person I want to be but I will stop letting other people judgments get in my way. From now on all of those glass houses we want to deny we live in are not my problem.  I don’t throw stones at yours so best you not throw them at mine anymore. That is the best celebration of my life I can think of.  Anything else really doesn’t matter.

 

Spring Really Is The Season oF Love

Spring Really Is The Season of Love

Spring Really Is The Season of Love

 

 

So now that it is officially Spring it seems that all of my friends have found love and our single Summer 2013 is out the window. Let me tell you that my weekly “It’s OK to be ALONE” speech from my grandmother pinches more and more as the weeks go by now that I am the lone single friend that everyone is now trying to set up. I have officially become that girl. I can’t even lie now loneliness has crept in and it is actually stinging. I absolutely dislike this. I am a grown woman who has so much to offer and all I wanted was to find a partner in life which is where my previous relationship was very much lacking. Now 6-8 months later I feel like I have betrayed myself wondering “Am I really going to be single forever? Will I be that friend that everyone feels bad for because she hasn’t managed to find love? Was I destined to be alone forever and never actually find a partner and or have kids? Should I start considering insemination?”
I never really saw myself as the impossibly challenged one. I never had an issue before finding someone to crush on and/or date. Now it actually seems impossible. The few times I’ve been interested in someone has not turned out well. I tolerate so much less now and to be honest most men I run into really don’t have much to offer life or goal wise. I’m not talking I need a baller or a socialite either.
I attempted online dating and that was short lived. If I wanted to bang random strangers I would be a prostitute because at least I would be getting paid for wasting my time. I am not a broken person, I come from a good home and family with good values, yet for some reason the only guys attracted to me that I share a mutual attraction with are a plain old emotional hot mess. It has been that way I think almost since I began dating with the exception of a few here and there. In my teens and 20′s I chalked it up to growing up but now I am straight scared at the lack of fish in this sea.
I don’t want or need much. A decent man who thinks work and family are important, no major drug, alcohol or sexual addictions, limited OCD is acceptable, someone who is social, who hasn’t spent a substantial amount of time in prison consecutive or otherwise, appreciates a big family, animal lover, has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh, liberal (repubs need not apply unless you can hide it but my family would love it), no racists or homophobes, and someone who will love me so much that once they have met me they can’t possibly picture their life with out me and have no idea what they did before I came along. I really don’t think the above short list is too much to ask for.
What I have been noticing during my blatant un-datable-ness is that every whore, drug addict, criminal and flat out bad person has managed to find love and start a family. They seem to have pretty decent jobs and homes. They even seem less criminal, slutty and bad. Stupid me dated the same guy all through high school and some of college, worked a ton, got decent grades, went on to get into my dream college and got a great job after college basically throwing parties. After that life got in the way and things went left a little. I am not saying I didn’t party or slut it up because I did, in moderation, but it seems to me that if I were more of a terrible person I would have gotten further in life and probably found my bad ass soul mate.
Alas, Spring is officially taking its toll on me and instead of being the usual season of happiness that it has always been I find myself being sad and almost depressed. I currently feel that Bridget Jones diary is now my auto biography.   Let us all just hope for my sake that I will have an ending similar to the movie and some time soonish before I start looking for vacancies in convents.

Wonderwall A Song For Life

I just finished watching the latest episode of Girls and the end of the latest episode one of my all time favorite songs was being sung by Hannah, Wonderwall (clearly I grew up in the 90′s). I have loved Wonderwall for soo many reasons through out my life that it will be a part of my soul, if souls actually exist, until my untimely and probably alcohol/drug induced death. It may be because in the height of the song I was dating one of the only English boys I knew ever existed on Long Island at the time or the fact that I perhaps “stole” him from one of my best friends and to this day she has yet to hold a grudge about it, or how during the peak of my teen angst this song spoke to me with its whiny lyrics and obnoxious band members.
I am definitely not one of those deep individuals that find comfort, solace and meaning in music in a way that I care to know anything more than who sings the song so I can download  said song if I do not already own it. Wonderwall however is one of those songs that has been around long enough to be like an old friend because is never far from my mind, I know it like the back of my hand and it is always there to brighten my day. I feel like the song seeks me out if that makes sense. It is always there when I need it to remind me of older and better times yet the lyrics speak to me reminding me about the present and future…..my future specifically. There aren’t many songs in a persons life that can be so pivotal but for me, even as chiche as it might sound Wonderwall is just that. I stress this is not my all time favorite song but that some how, some where it just appears when I least expect it but always need it. It is always within my reach, yet I never have to grab for it. Every time I need it but dont expect it it is there and serves a purpose I didn’t realize it had.
This weeks episode of Girls spoke to me, in that Wonderwall was included in the last scene. Their situations had nothing to do with what I am currently feeling but that is what the song does for me. Yet, as a combination of all that is going on in the episode maybe it did represent my many different “personalities” that I feel I must have through my many facets of everyday life.
The episode did remind me of a time where my old super fab roommate and I did bathe together (this was a coed situation but we were both in bathing suits) and we had the best time ever. While being jealous that it seemed Hannah’s bath tub was larger than ours was I do remember night fondly and that Wonderwall might very well have been playing but besides that it brought me back to times where I was more assertive, stronger, and self assured and looked mighty fine in that bathing suit to boot! Wonderwall has been played during a rainbow of experiences in my life that never failed to bring me back to center where I belong.

Getting Me Back….A Little

Getting Me Back...A Little

Getting Me Back... A Little

I have been in a bit of a rut lately about life, love and all things me but after a rejuvinating evening with my far away bestie and my at home bestie I feel like a new woman. It has been a long time since I have felt so comfortable and free. It was three old friends catching up and just releasing. I feel like with everything the three of us have going on in our lives at the moment, through all of our joking around, pizza and booze drinking, we managed to catch up with each other in a way that only those who know you better than you know yourself can. We needed it, eachothers energy to sort of ground us again after so long.
I especially felt like I could see some of myself creep back in. I started feeling like I could breathe easier. Willing to just let go and relax with me. I had missed being that comfortable for sometime. I think that I am starting to get myself back and it feels beyond good. My new indepence is doing what it should and giving me that sense of fulfillment with my deciisions and in my life. I feel refreshed and renewed ready to fight another day. I am ready to start moving forward on those improvements I have been in a slump about implementing. Perhaps it is the holiday spirit that is twisting my brain into movtivating me.
What I do know for sure is that I needed and missed my girlfriends. The dynamic that the three of us have is unlike any other. Reuniting like only a really good sitcom can we brought out the best in eachother. People don’t get that opportunity everyday so you must jump at the chance. This was something I needed more than I think I even knew.
The entire night was quite Super Bad level sprinkled with glitter. Those days/nights aren’t capable of just happening, it takes proper moon and star alienment mixed with a garden of four leaf clovers, horse shoe shaped jewelry, and the inexplicably unexpected kind of experiences that make up Super Bad kind of evening.
This moring I woke up at 6:30am ready to take over the world. I should preface that with the fact that I spent all of Saturday recovering from our partying on Friday night. Either way I am rejuvinated and ready to conquer my obstacles and get the rest of that woman I put in the back of my mental closet and I can really only thank my girls for helping me dust some of her back off and pick her up.

Birthday Month

Birthday Month

Birthday Month

 

 

Hello Fashionistazzzz!!! I apologize for my long absence but birthday month has been exceptional this year. Although I have turned 31 I feel like this year has been in it’s short time pivotal in my life. I have had an amazing birthday month so far that was spent with people I love doing things I love. I have finally moved along through some of the changes I have been too scared to make and hopefully am one step closer to being the woman I have been trying to become.
I have to say making big changes is terrifying. I took slow steady steps for quite a while but this birthday month has really allowed me to see that if I don’t make the changes I have been pondering I will only bring myself further away from the adult I think I need to be. These changes will probably set me back in some comfort aspects but I think in the end they will be more than worth it, I hope.
I have finally found my perfect circle of friends that I know are capable of recognizing my best interests while not being afraid of being honest even if they know I might want to hear it. I still have a little work to do on my fam but I have the more then enough support to get me through the tough times.
I didn’t expect to be going through such changes at 31. I really thought I had it all figured out but life definitely has a funny way of proving you wrong. This entire month I think I learned more about the person I was, am and want to be. I finally feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest and the fact that I have made the steps towards progress make me only look forward to the future! I hope everyone has this amazing of a birthday month every year!

 

Grow Up Already

 

 

I would like to begin this post by saying I am not perfect, there is always room to grow and learn. Becoming an adult is a process that is why it takes so long to grow old. I appreciate the lessons I have learned so far and acknowledge the fact that I have had to learn some lessons the hard way. I don’t always take others advice but I do listen to it. I hate apologizing and I hate it even when I have done wrong but I think it takes a strong person to apologize especially when you are wrong. I don’t like confrontation. like many other people, but a part of being an adult is dealing with difficult situations and hopefully taking away a lesson or at least dealing.

Now that all being said I have a deep dislike for people who start trouble to move themselves further and not accepting responsibility for their bad behavior. I am a great friend to those who deserve it and even to some who don’t. I think I am a good responsible adult who does her best to better herself everyday. I make mistakes and as mentioned above I am not perfect.
Recently there have been a few situations with some people that have been in my life that make me say GROW UP ALREADY!! We are supposed to be adults. I have made a list of qualifications that adults/people in my life must have to avoid future situations:

1. You must work/be productive (not saying stay at home parents don’t work), I know people who are extremely ill or have had to overcome enormous obstacles and still work regularly so not working in any capacity is unacceptable. Even if you are incredibly wealthy, loafing should not be an option.  At this point in our lives, at our ages there is no reason not to be productive. I understand with the economy it may be difficult to find a job but people who are really grown will take any job that comes their way to support themselves instead of mooching off others. Someone who is willing to take something for doing nothing tells the world you are lazy, selfish and still adolescent. I know children that work harder and more dedicated to life and don’t have to be.

2. Have a life off of the Internet. I understand how appealing the Internet is and less effort it takes to build and maintain relationships but the Internet isn’t the same thing as an actual relationship with a human being. You can lie, cheat and steal on the Internet and usually most people are none the wiser.  People get real bold on the Internet but when they are face to face they are like kittens.  A real adult looks forward to and appreciates having an actual social life (no I don’t mean parties all of the time) but doesn’t constantly bail on social events, leaves the house occasionally, and makes an effort to maintain relationships off of the computer/phone.   Relationships work both ways. Phones, e-mails, social networking works both ways. Social interaction is an important of being an adult because this is how you learn how to behave in public and meet new people.

3. Take care of yourself/your home. I don’t care where you live or the kind of place or how much money you have but if you are expecting company clean your house, not even if you have company but in general. Who wants to live in a dirty place? If you are an adult and you can’t even clean your living space you have no respect for yourself. I cannot even sleep if there are dishes in the sink let alone ever let my home get “dirty”. In turn make sure you are clean. I don’t care what body size or type you are. I don’t care if you work out or what you eat. I don’t even care what kind of clothes/bags/shoes you have. I’m not trying to say I am going to inspect you or that we all don’t have lazy days but cleaning yourself is another part about being an adult. People notice when you look sloppy and that comes off as you don’t care about yourself or the people you are with so why should they care about you?

4. Own your own behavior. Again I am not perfect. I have made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes but I have learned in the last few years I have to own my sh*t. I needed to grow up myself and learn if I am big enough to say it behind your back I should be big enough to say it to your face or don’t say it at all. If I am confronted I have to admit it and explain my reasoning for it because that is what a grown up does. I’m not going to blast out my business on Facebook directly or indirectly. I expect the same from people in my life. If you are going to talk about me behind my back tell me when I confront you about it. If you think we are having an issue confront me not the internet. Ask me about it and I bet you will find out the issue was in your head. Also, if you feel the need to tell others I am not a good person or friend let’s just not be friends because we clearly aren’t anyway. Your life isn’t measured by the number of Facebook friends you have you most likely don’t know those people in real life anyway.

5. Apologize when you are wrong. Again with the mistakes. We all make them. Friends sometimes make them often. It hurts when your friends hurt you. No one likes to be on the receiving end of pain but when you make your mistake say you are sorry. Don’t ignore the situation and pretend it didn’t happen. Growing up means you will make mistakes and get hurt. A real adult will apologize because it is the right thing to do. You can’t go through life hurting people and moving on with out rectifying the situation. Karma will come back to you and in the end you will be alone and probably more hurt than any of the other people you hurt in the past. If you burn every bridge you come across you are going to be left alone on a very tiny island with no way to get off and no way for anyone else to get on.

6. Be true to yourself and others will be true to you.  This isn’t an easy task to master and will probably take your whole life but make an attempt.  Lying and making up stories to make yourself seem like a constant victim is tiresome. If you are true to yourself you won’t have to lie about who you are and what you do to other people. It isn’t necessary. Growing up teaches you who you are. What is right and wrong for you and your life. You should like yourself by now. If you have to pretend you are someone else even with your close friends maybe you need to do some soul searching. It takes time and work to like yourself sometimes and that is respectable but you can’t be someone to everyone all of the time. If you don’t like you how can you expect others to?

7. Keep your high maintenance to yourself. If you are constantly seeking attention good or bad people in your life are going to get tired of it. One person can’t have issues all of the time, it makes people wonder what you are doing to need so much attention. If you expect everyone to do for you all of the time but you can’t do for yourself there is a problem. A grown up shouldn’t need constant attention from people. If you like yourself it isn’t necessary. A sign of a true friendship isn’t how many texts you get, how many posts are posted on your wall or even how many times you are invited out. True friends can go long periods of time with out talking and come back together like no time has passed. It means you are secure with yourself and your friendships. As adults life sometimes gets in the way of being social. If you aren’t being productive I can see how it could be lonely and seem like you aren’t being given attention but then do something with yourself. People aren’t placed on this earth to have to babysit their friends.

I am sure I will have to amend this in the future as I learn more lessons but for now this is good.  I like my list and am sure many of  you can agree.  If you have anything to add let me know.  I am always willing to learn.

My Inner Goddess

Inner Goddess

Inner Goddess

 

 

I am sure like me, the rest of you that have been staying up late obsessing and reading non-stop about Mr. Grey and Miss Steele have been salivating about what happens next can’t wait for the movies to come out! I’m not exactly sure how they will get away with this but I will go see all of them happily.
I know people are all crazy over the sex in the book but I have to say the favorite parts of the book are the way Anastasia’s inner goddess is described. The inner goddess happens to be my favorite character. I love how she is described (after all of the hot sex they constantly have of course), her attitude and her role in Ana’s life. It really made me think about my inner goddess and why I haven’t taken the time out to find mine before.
After reading the first book I decided I would like to begin to hone my inner goddess skills. I would like to have a friendly indoor companion that can boss me around, be scared for me when I can’t, and shake her finger at me when I am clearly doing something not good for me.
Finding my inner goddess will be my summer project for myself. It can only be a plus for me I think, and you too!

Girl Code…Ever Hear Of It?!?!

Girl Code, Ever Hear of It?

Girl Code, Ever Hear of It?

 

Do you have that friend that always breaks girl code? The one that your men never really are safe no matter how unassuming she is, your secrets are safe as long as you don’t rub her the wrong way, when she excels she hides it from her friends because she doesn’t want to you to surpass her success? I feel like its such a horrible thing we women do to each other. Instead of empowering each other we spend more time trying to put each other down for anything possible so we can feel better about ourselves. I don’t understand why you would talk about a friend behind their back when you are supposed to care about each other. If you need to say something shouldn’t you confront her? If you can’t that is she really your friend? The most dastardly is the woman who smiles to your face and plays like she is your bestie when in fact she is your biggest hater.  She gets close to you so she can emulate you then when she is done you are really in some trouble. 
I hate that we do that do each other.  I am guilty of breaking girl code for selfish reasons but everytime I have I feel I have paid for it dearly. It’s never worth it and sometimes you could lose more than you imagined.  Someone invented girl code for a reason right? So, why not abide by it moreover why not just be honest with your friends if they really are? We could all avoid a world of hurt by loving our fellow women instead of hating them.  Don’t we have it hard enough as it is?
I think moving forward we should start refusing to break girl code. Stop talking about our friends and maybe enen our enemies behind their backs, stop plotting to get something they have just because you want it, start uplifting women instead of tearing them down. You might find you learn some amazing things about yourself and your friendships in the process. When you lie to the ones that truly care about you the only one you are hurting is yourself because when you get caught your friends realize exactly who you are and move on to someone more deserving. Pretty soon you are left alone and no man or woman really trusts a someone that has no friends from their past or present so all that hard work you put in trying to get to the top only puts you at the very bottom.